It's Only A Few Beers....

Alcohol is a massive business. Its said that 24% of adults in England and Scotland drink on a regular basis. And while the price of alcohol has increased by 28% in ten years, it is still 74% more affordable than in 1987. But how do you know if you are drinking too much? Or even for the wrong reasons?

I was unfortunate enough to deal with alcoholism first hand. My Dad was drink dependant for a lot of my life, and the rest of his. I remember being young, 8 or 9, and first realising my dad drank beer every night. It was never a problem back then. He would come home from work, go down the shop and buy 4, 8 maybe 12 beers, depending on if he was working the next day or not. As I got older, there were times where I noticed a mood change in him. 'Clucking' is the term we used to use. Days out would always involve a stop at a pub or an off-licence. It got to a point where I struggled to remember the last time I saw him drink a normal drink. He did of course, but it would be before work. As he worked shifts, early and late, it was rare I saw him leaving for work. He would either leave before I got up or whilst I was at school.

I was around 12 or 13 when my Mum and Dad split up. At around the same time my Dad had an incident at work which saw someone attempt to jump in front of his train (he was a train driver). This was when his drinking became heavier. Every time I saw him he would be drinking and ended up drunk. We would argue and that would be that until the next time I saw him. I realised he had a problem around this time. I told him he had a problem, he told me he didn't. Over the years it gradually got worse and worse. He would drink more often and nearly always ended up drunk. Then one day, around my 18th birthday we fell out.

I went to meet him for lunch and he turned up already stinking. I asked him what he was playing at and he said he didn't know what I was talking about. We argued, and then I walked away and didn't speak to him for years. Between that point and us talking again, he ended up in hospital several times, either drink induced or drink related. And even lost his job. Although he was lucky enough to be signed off for health reasons rather than sacked.

We started speaking again when my youngest was a baby. I was around 23 or 24 years old. I had matured. I was a father myself now. I was engaged and living in my own home. A lot had changed, for me and him.

He was unwell. Not physically, but mentally. He was in a bad place. He had no job, no home, no partner. My brother and I hadn't spoke to him in years. But I wanted my kids to have a grandad so I gave him a chance. At first he took that chance. He cleaned up. Started working. Sought help. We had a relationship back. Then, in 2014, the year I got married, we lost our Nan, his mum.

The spiral started there and he hit the bottle again. over the next 4 years he would become dependant on alcohol again. He had several hospital stays because of this. Constant drinking, mixed with a terrible diet, brought a premature end to his life.

The reason for this story is simple. By the time I had realised he had a problem, it was too late. You see, many people see alcohol dependency as binge drinking, getting drunk all the time, but that isn't always the case. Those few beers per night wasn't the start of the problem, it was the problem. Needing a beer is different to wanting one. He didn't want a drink after work, he needed it. And that's where the help should start.

In 2017-2018, there were an estimated 586,760 dependant drinkers, with 82% not receiving help or treatment. This figure is set to be rising year by year.

A lot of the time, drinking stems from another issue. Stress at work, at home or anxiety or mental health issues. Which makes it even more important to speak out if you're feeling like you're not yourself, or need to talk.

I wanted to share this story in the hope that somebody might read this and recognise the signs in someone they know or love. It's difficult watching someone slowly kill them self when it can be so easily avoided in the first place. You will always question if you did enough to help, which you did. But most of us don't recognise the early signs and that is where it matters.

Visit www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk for more information on how to get help.