Living With Autism

Autism. It's a word that has become common in a lot of peoples lives recently. Of course, autism has always been around, we just didn't always know what is was or how to deal with it. Not that it's easy to deal with. There are still a lot of opinions on autism and the autistic spectrum. Many believe that if it didn't exist 'back in the day', then it doesn't exist now. 'They just need a bit of discipline' is often a common comment from those who have never been involved. 'I wish someone would shut that kid up' is another one, as a mother tries to calm down there erratic toddler because that particular episode of Peppa Pig has finished.

So what is autism? And how do we deal with it? Well, the answer to both of these questions is not as straight forward as the old man on the bus might think. My daughter Daisy, now 8, is diagnosed autistic as well as ADHD and sensory processing disorder, and it was the best thing to happen for her. As a baby she was always a little behind with her progress. Walking, talking, self feeding. All later than your average child (if there is such a thing). We didn't worry too much as we knew all children progress at different rates. But then when she started school, we started to notice little things. She would struggle at school, more emotionally than anything else. She would find things hard to cope with. For example, if there was a fire drill, or something was to happen that wasn't part of her normal day or routine. She would get upset if she didn't have time to finish her work. She struggled with her hand-eye coordination, especially with things like buttons and zips. Still to this day she finds it difficult cutting food up. We knew there was something not quite right, but we struggled to help her because she often couldn't tell us why she was getting so upset.

We were lucky in the fact that she goes to a school who are very good and helpful with Special Educational Needs (SEN), and they were able to start the process of assessing Daisy. After a few months of assessments and meetings and stuff, Daisy was diagnosed with autism. It never really upset us, we were worried for her more than anything. Would she be ok? Would she live a normal life? Will she struggle more the older she gets?

The key to living with Daisy is patience (believe me I have struggled). But that's not always the case with other children. They call it a spectrum for a reason. There are so many different kinds of children with autism. Some really clever, some not so much. Some really emotional, some can be completely detached from emotion. One thing with Daisy is that she has no filter! Which means that no matter where you are or who you are with, Daisy's emotions are there for everyone to see. Another thing that I have become good at since living with an autistic child is not caring for others opinions as much. We have had times of meltdowns in shopping centres, beaches, airports. At first, naturally I think, you do worry about how people portray you. Then, you start to realise that actually, it's not her fault, nor is it yours. It's a part of living for her. And as she has got older, although it still happens, you learn what makes her tick. Giving plenty of notice if there's going to be a change in routine is a big one for Daisy, and many others it seems.

The fact is, autism is a difference, not a problem. It isn't a disease, or a condition. Somebody once described it to me before like this. It's a normal person with a normal body and a normal brain, only wired slightly differently. And the thing with autism is, yes it brings issues, but a lot of the time, Daisy's care free, no filter view of the world makes her who she is and makes us laugh every single day. She's incredibly kind, great with animals, loving to literally anybody willing to be loved. She doesn't need anymore discipline, and she won't just shut up when you tell her to. But I bet money, and lots of it, that she will grow up to be a much better person than the old man on the bus, as will many of the kids on the spectrum.

So before you judge on the bus, stop and think about what exactly that kid is coping with, what the mother is coping with, and hold your tongue. We all deserve a chance and they probably deserve it more than anybody.