Men' s Mental Health

One of the biggest issues of the modern world. One of the most talked about problems in recent years. Yet, one of the least talked about problems in recent years. Mental health in men has been such a taboo for so long, and it is only recently are we speaking up and encouraging men to do the same.

Suicide is the largest killer in men under 50, and, in 2017, of the 6000 suicides in the UK, 75% of them were men. With men three times as likely to commit suicide as women, is easy to see that stats like this are not uncommon. Around 1 in 8 men suffer with some kind of common mental health issue. And with only 36% of NHS referrals to therapists being men, there is every chance that could be higher. Men are more likely to drink than women, more likely to go missing, more likely to sleep rough and more likely to use drugs than women.

So why do men find it so hard to talk about?

It's hard to say definitively why men don't talk about their problems. It's likely to be a range of reasons from embarrassment, to denial, or even fear of being ignored or teased or ridiculed for being 'weak' or being told to 'man up'. With a lot of male sufferers, it could be the stresses of being the breadwinner or father figure making them feel this way to begin with, and so showing weakness would not only break them but their family also. Maybe they just feel that if they don't talk, it will all go away. Whatever the reason, it's time that men are encouraged to speak up and let people help them. To show them that it's not a sign of weakness to admit you're struggling.

How can we tell if someone is feeling depressed? It's important to know how to recognise the signs of depression in order to be able to help them. According to mental health charity MIND, these are the common signs of depression to look out for:

• Avoiding social activities that usually would make you happy

• Difficulty speaking, thinking clearly or making decisions

• Lose interest in sex

• Low concentration levels or poor memory

• Drinking, smoking or using drugs more

• Different sleeping patterns (more or less than usual)

• Different eating patterns

• Aches and pains with no obvious cause

• Moving slowly, or becoming agitated or restless

Being depressed isn't just about being constantly sad or wanting to end your life. There are many different types and forms, and affect different personalities differently. Depression can come and go. You can go for days feeling like there is nothing wrong and all of a sudden feel awful about yourself for no real reason. Of course, left untreated, it can develop into stronger feelings of hatred towards yourself. And this is why it is so important to get help.

After losing a few close family members in the space of a few years, I found myself experiencing many of these symptoms. In fact, I still do occasionally. I lost my nan in 2014, 2 weeks before my wedding day, then my mum in 2016, 2 days after Christmas day, and then my dad in 2018. I found myself drinking a lot more, being angry at stupid things. I ended up falling out with my wife on several occasions over me acting like an idiot. It didn't even cross my mind that I might be depressed or even just be sad. Even now, as I write this, I question it. In fact, it was years later that I even considered that there was anything wrong.

I started looking into depression. Reading books, researching and following people who would talk openly about it. In fact, writing these blogs was a way for me to talk about my experiences. I don't ever talk openly, even to my wife. This is the first time I've ever openly admitted to struggling.

My reason for never talking? Embarrassment. Worrying about who would judge me. Realistically I know deep down that the people who matter won't, but only recently have I stopped worrying about it. But I'm starting to learn what helps and what doesn't. Who helps and who doesn't. Trying to push the stuff that bothers me to the back of my mind. And while there are people who don't understand why I do this, I know it is for my benefit to not take on so much stress.

Of course I still have my days where I find the simplest things hard. And whilst I never got to the point where I felt like I didn't want to live anymore, there were times when I thought I wasn't good enough and felt like if I just pack my bags tonight and go, everyone will be better off. Thankfully, not so much anymore.

I would strongly urge anybody who feels like they are not good enough (men and women) to talk to somebody. I never sought medical help and, hopefully, won't have to. But if you do feel you need it, there are charities who will help also. CALM, Samaritans and the Mental Health Forum to name a few. Even the NHS website has tips in helping you cope when things get hard.

*statistics taken from Mental Health Foundation website